There Should Be a Law Against You Comin' Round

P cooked this dinner.  Chicken tenders and a butter lettuce salad.  It took some effort for me to allow him to make a whole dinner and it took him years to want to.  But what a treat.  Not sure how certain things became laws in this house.  I always made dinner.  It just happened that way.  Then this year he finally got in that kitchen and made some magic of his own.  He likes experimenting with meats. I've had a bout of chronic migraines so it was great timing.  I've been wrestling with the backlash of the Leaving Neverland documentary.  He's been fighting some violations of his own at work. And it's really screwing with both of us.   I'm wondering, are we really such soldiers of justice that it's interfering with our downtime?

P works in an ultra liberal school and his assistant has been ingesting much abusive behavior from one of the parents, not even an employee of the building.  She's been bullying him and waving her tuition payments like a staff.  And because this is one of his staff, P must take steps to protect him.  It has gone to the board and because of race, the matter was handled with serious consideration.  And in a month where the school had an event to end racism or some ridiculous notion and also held harassment classes, rights were fresh on the brain. They have one African American employee and had a potential case of discrimination.  It's all so laughable but unfortunately also a real situation. Regardless of it's irony, P spent a few days super stressed, taking all of the elements into account and searching for the right way to handle where justice would be served but a huge splash would not have to be made because this place has it's fill of drama just opening the doors.   And he didn't want his employee to suffer any repercussions.  In the end it was sort of out of his control as the company needed to issue an official response immediately following the complaint.  It could only go in his favor because he was on the right side of all the laws but of course they are now both paying a bit on the back end.  No one likes to be wronged.  Especially ones that have never been reprimanded before in their life.

And I'm still twisted out of sorts believing anyone is actually banning Michael Jackson's music based on this ridiculous HBO feature.  And like P, I've lost so many hours fretting and figuring how to fight it.  I have lists of reasons why this is also a major injustice.  It just goes to show you that when introverts get involved and concerned, then it really is wrong because we tend to stay out of most of the world's battles.  I've questioned why it has affected us both so deeply that we've lost days and weeks of our lives.

Lord If You Hear Me, Touch Me and Hold Me, Keep Me From Blowing Away

My migraines are starting to scare me a little.  They come so strong and feel like they're frying up my brain cells.  And if I understand my neurologist correctly, they kind of are doing that.  She says damage can happen if you don't get a handle on them. Could bring on a stroke or dementia.   She tells me this in the scolding way one would speak with their teenage son.  Medications and remedies?  We're still trial and error'ing them sonsabitches.  I'm against her next step suggestions, steroids or Botox injections.  That all sounds like no thank you!  I'm freaky enough. Oh and keep your stress level low she says.  Meanwhile I'm developing a fear of these things lurking around the corner, like the boogey-man.

And yes, I could be more strict on my diet but I'm doing the best I can with my small stash of self control.  In my opinion, I've given up almost every vice that brings me joy in life.  What else must I sacrifice in order to ensure I don't wake up with my head on fire?  And as if they are not violent enough the next day I feel like I spent all night at a Fight Club.  I'm sluggish and dizzy. I'm weak and depressed.  Who wouldn't be?  This shit has made me pray for spontaneous combustion.

Migraines are like an enemy that you know.  People don't realize this but before they strike many times you'll get signs. Like with me, I'll get a stiff neck or yawn a lot the day before.  I'll start to feel slow and unable to focus well.  As in the horror movies, you feel it coming.  Right before it hits, I'll get a really bad headache that feels like it's far away.  Like a freight train coming in the distance.  One that maybe I could live with but within minutes it becomes apparent it will go full blown. That moment that you contend.  It's coming straight for you. Freddy Kruger is in the room.  The pain intensifies until if feels it couldn't continue.  Now you're unable to communicate needs.  You can't tell what your body will do. You know it's gonna hurt so bad to vomit but you hurl uncontrollably, usually with no food in your belly.  And sometimes, when it's an extra special one, you do this for an hour or so until basically you're unable to physically heave your stomach any longer.  Running back and forth, holding your head, shielding the light. Throbbing to full ferocity, with all your mental strength left you try desperately to shut down your engines.  You lie down and pray you can stay down because any movement is hell.  Even the slightest bit of light hits your eyes like full on sun so you pull the blankets and pillows as a barricade.  Later, sometimes much, if there is a God, you begin to feel the contractions subside.  The slow pulling away of the drum beat.  Usually I fall asleep but pass out is more fitting a term.

Two cool things about this.  They do go away eventually and you are so grateful to be normal again, albeit a little worse for the wear.  And P has begun to feel sympathy and is cooking dinner on these occasions.  Like this night.  A well seasoned minute steak with drunken asparagus and sweet corn.  Delicious!