What Is This That Stands Before Me?

For a few weeks I've come out of work to notice this incredible looking piece of bike machinery locked up next to mine.  I've been in awe of the craftsmanship, the all black details and menacing look.  Don't get me wrong, I love my Ironman, Centurion, but I must admit this monster was intriguing.  I imagined this mysterious, enigmatic God or Goddess proprietor. Turns out the owner is just a kid from my own department.  I was going on about this amazing ride that I couldn't stop thinking of and my coworker overhears my admission, then goes on to describe it even more accurately, including what I'd missed, an actual Batman emblem soldered into it's frame.  The mystery was solved, it was his bike.  That same night he came blasting out of the staff doors, and seemed to be walking in slow motion like in the movies with light and fog behind, in his tight leather jacket and giant shiny, black helmet resting on his hip.  Clearly I'd blown his ego out of proportion.  I gushed a little more but only to be nice.  In reality, that immediately ended my fascination with the bike and I actually now find it gaudy.  

Never disappointing is corn on the cob and asparagus served alongside a bunless cheeseburger.

Icicles Within My Brain

From my recent slow roasted pork shoulder, I made these pulled pork cold sandwiches.  In the middle of January you really miss fresh things yet, its not their time.  This was a nice compromise with the iceberg lettuce, tomato and red onions.  The American cheese slices were just left to melt quickly and the buns were toasted slightly as well.

At the time I remember thinking, why didn't I got more decadent but now looking at it, I'd want that right now.  Sliced down the middle, half to eat now, more for later.  And these cute little pickled Okra P found were so good.  I texted my sister and coincidentally she had the exact same ones too.

typical crap looking view from work in January. 

Think I'll Lose My Mind If I Don't Find Something to Pacify

It's hard being 52 when you're really a 16 year old girl-boy in your head.  It's confusing and exhausting.  I still want to sit and listen to Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin on these days.  I have trouble getting into the mindset of obligation and responsibility even though I've structured my life so I have very little.  Going to work is a huge bore on days where I can't quite snap out of my adolescence, which is more often than I'd like to admit.  I envy women that seem to be real adults and aren't plagued with all this odd phenomena that seems to go down in my upper workings.  They raise children and join social websites and hold career type jobs.  They seem to have an understanding of the world they live in whereas I find it all a complete mystery.  Don't get me wrong, for me, this is not, but I do envy their abilities. But sometimes this vice motivates me to more creative dishes.  I'm cheap and hate to waste so at the end of the week I tend to pull leftover vegetables together that maybe wouldn't be my first choice.  I'm like a bottom feeder in my own fridge.  I'm calling these Chicken Sink Meatballs.  The Russians always call kitchens chickens by mistake at work, which is pretty darn cute and funny but I try not to laugh because that would be mean but inside it just breaks me up.  Similar to jokes about balls or small wankers.  Did I mention I was raised Catholic?  We're hard wired to find penis jokes hilarious.

I took ground chicken, grated cauliflower, carrot, onion, diced jalapeno, oatmeal, garlic, one egg, left over frozen corn and black beans, s&p mixed it together and formed balls.

Seasoned with an herb blend.

These were great over steamed vegetables and the oatmeal gave them a dumpling type of texture and the comfort food satisfaction.

You're Having a Good Time Baby, But That Won't Last

Here we go again. Resolutions. A New Year. Good intentions. A fresh start. Big ideas. A chance for change. Women talking about gym memberships. Not just talking, actually getting in there and laying down the yearly fee. Going once and then maybe twice. After that, you don't hear so much talk.

I'd love to say I was above all of this silliness but I must admit, I make my little mental lists too. They don't vary too much. Be a better sister, daughter, and friend. All of which I make teeny tiny little baby steps in progress each year. Sometimes there are career or money making dreams in there. Start that food idea. Take a class in this or that. I stopped writing them down at least. I think doing that sabotages chances somehow. Although nothing seems to really work short of just doing it. But that's the stinker. If your dumb ass knew how to make these changes you would have tried them already, earlier in the year when it was warmer. No, something always gets in the way and it isn't winter or a calendar date. Truth is you need help. We should be writing lists of things we need help figuring out how to do. Now that makes sense!

So, after the list, the attempts and ultimately failure comes the feeling of inadequacy, weakness, defeat. It's a loser loses situation. You can't win. You gotta get out of this game I think. It's like one of them bad riddle puzzles or circus games.

I do think it's a positive ritual to make self improvement lists and refresh them each year. I just think we gals are tough enough on ourselves as it is. Maybe we need to modify the process a bit. Maybe aim a little lower? Hey, don't knock this idea. I think that America in general could stand to benefit from this type of thinking. What if we were #2? #2 is left alone, not so much pressure, doesn't cost as much to be #2. Why is everyone so obsessed with being at the tippy top all the time?

Or another idea that might work for women is to make short lists of things other people could use to change. I would be great at that! Women always see fault in others, it would take no time at all. And then on New Year's Day when everyone is all tired and hung over you could come round with your little hand outs.

You can always eat a little better though. I'd love to change out white rice with good wild rice but have you seen the prices on this stuff? At PathMark they like to bend you over for like 10 bucks a small package. Damn, maybe it's time to start eating twigs like Euell Gibbons! D'ja ever eat a pine tree? Many parts are edible. Hee hee. That never gets old.