All in All Is All We Are

Always a simple favorite, roasted chicken with chickpeas and any other vegetable.  It satisfies and gives a feeling of effort when there is very little.  Season and slide in oven.

Marriage is not like baked chicken.  However, when everything is running smoothly it does look as though you have mastered the craft. And there are learned techniques I suppose. Mostly I think people wing it but if you work it, it works just like the 12 step program.  In my head, the best relationship was always imagined as laughing a lot, and sharing all the things I loved like eating, music, movies.  Also experiencing all the small moments of everyday life together basically as the introvert weirdo that I am.  And I have all of that.

What you don't think about when you're considering sacred union is who is going to do the dishes everyday?  Who takes care of the laundry? Someone has to make sure we have food in the house.  Who will scrub the toilet, change the litter box, dust, vacuum, do the taxes, pay the bills, talk to the landlord, handle the fuse box, etc, etc.  Even pulling out from all of that, who will manage the state of the merger itself?  Who knew just how many decisions need to be made ongoing for years on end.  Who decides if we could use new pillows or worse, need to talk about something important?  And for so many of those questions, the answer is you.  And all the rest is the other person. There are two choices only.  Mass effort is put in annually but it's in small doses, not all at once, but certainly ongoing.  And so the whole machine just churns away.  If you're lucky I mean.  These are all luxuries that many people hope for in their lives.  We strive for strong, healthy human connections.  So I know my struggles are minimal in comparison to real problems.  It's sort of a miracle that things run as smoothly as they do actually and I love doing a lot of stuff around the house.  But once in a while out of the blue, I burn out and question why people put each other through this process.  So many compromises.  I want a thriller movie and he wants action or comedy.  I do 20 things and he does 5.  I care, he doesn't. Millions of tiny clean individual living cubicles maybe in store for the future generations of women. Your friends and mates can visit and then take they smelly ass home.