How Deep Is Your Love?

One of P's homespun birthday gifts was a homemade dinner.  I took time to prepare things he enjoys, made a little theme of the night, intentionally focused on the details.  A take on surf and turf.  A better steak, cooked medium rare and topped with bleu cheese herbed butter, thyme and garlic.  We love steak but don't eat it ever and consider it a rare treat.  And then sauteed squid served over warmed creamy polenta and that topped with a fresh made pico de gallo with nectarines.  We used to get squid for a dollar a pound in SF and I loved cleaning it and cooking it with everything.  We met in SF and it will remind me of our time there, whipping all the spit and vinegar out of each other.

A side salad of Feta, arugula and red onions.  This is a too good, a little oil of choice, s&p, maybe a spritz of lemon juice.  We both love watermelon for it's light, cooling effects and it never gets old in the summertime.

For me, the gold was in the polenta and squid.  I made sure to zen out, concentrate, stirring constantly, adding just the right amount of butter, cheese and stock.  And it was good! The squid was tender and made perfect buddy bites with it's pals.

We walked and picked out 3 slices from Touch of Velvet and the strawberry and cream was the big winner, with fresh strawberries and cream cheese frosting, a light yellow cake.

After seeing the pics and realizing how much 'I' actually love everything so much in this meal, I have to wonder if there wasn't selfishness involved.

Lovely Day, Lovely Day...a Lovely Day

Hill Country Chicken, A Fresh Fried Chicken Joint in the Flatiron district for breakfast. That biscuit was beyond the best I've had ever. The potatoes were crisp, each one! And not oily. Flavors were so balanced and no heavy afterfeel. Overall, better than I could have imagined. A living dream actually.

Marinated Sirloin Steak bites with Bloody Mary dipping sauce. Mom's Cheese Enchiladas with Chipotle Shrimp tacos highlighted with pineapple pico.

Thank the good Lord and father time that P is now 50 years OLD just like me. I don't have to worry about being 'older' until the 60 mark and by then I doubt these things will matter much. He too has received his AARP card membership paperwork and suddenly it's no joke. 50 is like New York, it's big. But not how your brain acknowledges or defines big. No, this is different. When you actually live it, you see that big means so many different things that you had no idea. It's hundreds of separate neighborhoods and gathering areas where tons of people go everyday while you are out there totally unaware because where you are is also crowded and it's own little ecocenter. It all seems manageable until you grip the scope of the condensation. Diverse are the people that pass you on the streets, in the museums and in your bodega but how diverse is key. Some people are nothing like you. Yes, we are all actually very different and not the same like you were taught. I'm not talking about race or class or ethnicity, I'm just talking about people. It's not the size of the city but the millions of layers of 'things'. When you turn 50 you think of the traditional definition of 'getting older' but it's nothing like that. It's about where the hell you are in your life. Decisions that have been made by time itself that now you can no longer ignore or deny. It's your 21 year old self looking at your physical reflection and finding a way to relate to this person staring back at them. Without judging. Because that 21 and 16 and 18 year old, has 'the list' in their hand. The list of promises made. The list you were supposed to fill. Remember that list? They do. Leading up to 50 you are in fear of 'becoming'. Turning 50 you are faced with the bill. You sit and read all the charges and you accept it and your ass pays up and invites reality in no matter what. Mainly because there is no choice. You are no longer in a position to negotiate. History has been written. This far at least. 50 is an asshole. 50 is not cool like me and you. 50 is a tax accountant. No one you ever wanted in your life. But since he's living here now you gotta find a way to make it work.
I'm sure this too shall pass and all that malarky. I am super excited about living beyond it and still aiming for some of those dreams on that list, condensed as it is. My sister M says 60 is way cooler. But I thank the Good Lord that P is finally here with my dumb ass just the same.

She Loves You, yeah yeah yeah

If someone would have told me that I'd be making dinner for P on his 48th birthday when we met 20 years ago I probably wouldn't be surprised at all actually. When you're young you sort of imagine 'your someone' - the little things like their sense of humor, the way they make you feel, the look in their eyes and everything that comes with that look. Its been my experience that you can see everything in that look if the fit is right.

When I met P he had all of those things I imagined and other stuff that I had hoped for like a love of music and movies, a kind heart, a different way of looking at the world. He was so creative and had a strong sense of self. He was like no one I had met. Through the years I've also learned a lot from him. Hopefully it works both ways. I had also hoped for a best friend and that's exactly what I got. Some people get their dreams fulfilled in other ways but I was pretty specific when I asked God for my gifts. This year I think I've learned to accept some of them and be very grateful. I no longer look for paradise in that home across the road.

P's birthday dinner plate was kind of a food poem of sorts. On it was a nice big broiled steak to represent his strength and stability that I admire and appreciate so much. I made some spicy BBQ shrimp - that represents the fun, the music, the art, the kick, the adventures that I hope never end. Then I had some stir fried Bok Choy with garlic and that stood for continued good health, peace and contentment. Rosemary Ciabatta bread to soak it all up, a crisp crust with soft open texture.

Mind you, I want to smack him after 5 minutes of being in the same room on a regular day but that is just how funny life can be. For that I made him some whacky guacky-mole.