Either Light Up or Leave Me Alone

I get upset because much of my time is spent worrying about all the bad things that could happen in the near future.  The heat of this summer has sparked many new fears.  The recent power outages did nothing to calm my growing visions.

Beyond that I worry what heat is doing to our minds.  I know that after only about 3 weeks of hotter than normal temps, my spirits were way down.  I wasn't able to do much beyond the required tasks of the day and barely that.  l felt sick after eating on way too many days and wondered if half the greens and meats they sell right now are contaminated.  There hasn't been a lot of amazing produce this year even in the expensive markets.

I stand and look out on the Buttermilk Channel in back of work and see all the garbage floating in the water, how it smells of oils.  The poor little ducks floating in the midst of it all and I have to ask myself in my best Werner Herzog voice, 'Are they even aware of all the plastic surrounding them?'  The air quality has been bad due to the heat.  Everything smells of rotting souls.  I suddenly can't wait for winter to at least mask the stench.

But beyond the obvious take downs, I feel my own inner ecosystem is withering at times. It's hard to muster love for everyone when you see so many people are pieces of shit not even trying to do better.  It's more difficult to remain positive when there is less and less evidence of goodness in the world. I've always been a half empty gal but lately I feel the damn things gone dry.

P went to the Peach Festival is Scranton, PA with his brother for a few days and I fantasized about my man-free days to silently wallow and punish myself for being such a miserable schmuck until I realized I worked nights the whole time. But I had one day, this day, solo.  So after listening to hours of sad music, I dragged myself out to shop for a special Girlie pasta lunch, Linguine and Clam Sauce.  As a bonus I threw in some extra shrimp I had frozen and enough garlic to ward off evil spirits in 3 counties.  Fresh parsley went in and the anchovies dissolved into the oil and clam water.  Red pepper flakes sprinkled into the starchy pasta water that made everything glisten.

Each minute is crucial with pasta so I pulled out the noodles 1-1/2 minutes early in order for them to complete cooking in the sauce but only to al dente, and it was successful.

Fresh Parmesan grated on top and more pepper flakes.

The world could end tomorrow but if I had a huge plate of pasta like this, prepared with intent and love, the day before I could at least say I died happy.

'They call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it'.  George Carlin