Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Wild Flowers Don't Care Where They Grow

Even though I've really tried to shed the ego and become a person who comes through more from the inside then the visual, I struggle to accept that in our world retail workers can basically become non-existent.  We may as well be robots, mere receptacles.  This isn't true on many occasions but it only has to occur once to feel intolerable.
A good easy recipe I found.
I love my Jewish customers and get a secret thrill waiting on them because it feels so satisfying in a way that I can't explain but if you allow me one stereotype, I'll say they usually need lots of assistance.  That's really only because they take the time to understand all the many choices and cost differentiation. I was a little over the moon to learn that my next customers were a Sephardic couple.  Listening to them speak the most beautiful Spanish with their unique tones and intonations was slightly cathartic for a moment.  I was lost in this tango like dance they were having, as if I was chewing the most delicious piece of chocolate.  Our initial encounter was shaky because the wife was very upset with the level of customer service she was given from my coworkers and wanted to complain to management.  I tried to turn it around.  But when I began asking them questions I realized they were not together on their choices at all.  She wanted better quality with style and he wanted cheaper, lackluster kitchen door fronts.  I agreed with them both on different points and offered an in between solution.   But this made me aware that this couple was so unaffected by my presence, or lack of.  They didn't even hear my very sound advice, over their own loud opinions. I mean if nothing else, I know my shit.  I tried to state it twice but it was as if I had become invisible in my own world.  And this is becoming more common place.  I just stopped talking and walked away the second I saw they were not hearing me.  When they finally came to some common ground, they looked around as though they just noticed I was missing and it had been about 15 minutes.

It's probably not wise to take it too personally, as people are more self absorbed and are losing their engagement capabilities with the real world.  As if we are less and less connected to physical.  Even in my own home at times I feel I am not an engaging enough presence for my husband to listen to me or look up from his computer screen when I begin a conversation.  I feel like I'm interrupting his real life with my annoying interaction.  At night in order to get his attention, I sit up in bed facing him waving my arms as if I'm a ship off in the distance flashing my lights. Mayday! Mayday! He looks out onto the darkness as if I'm completely invisible.  I want to throw those headphones and his laptop out the window.  He'd say the same about me though but I have made it a point to put down what I'm doing (unless I'm writing), to stop and not only listen but look at him as he speaks, which is so important.  It's crucial to be acknowledged.  We need this, like we need food to eat.  Managers too are trying to multitask so that they also can't be bothered to look at you when you're talking or give you even 30% of their attention.  They feel it's acceptable to continue their project as they listen, halfheartedly, with no eye contact.

Class and economy can affect how much respect someone feels you are entitled, or even worse is when they are void of any consideration of your existence.  I sometimes wonder if the power in your presence fades as you age as well, so that it becomes easier to be ignored. This could be real from evolution.  You don't need to really bother with old in nature.  Older means, non-child bearing capable, not mate worthy, not edible, could be diseased or damaged, certainly less dangerous.  But now here we are in the modern world still in our skinny jeans, still craving acknowledgement, love, affection, interaction and at the very teenie, tiny least, eye contact.  But my efforts these days revolve around just being good for the sake of goodness and trying to shut up about the rest.  Who would listen anyway?

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