A Thrill of Hope, the Weary World Rejoices

Cooks can develop affection for strange gadgets, like this giant pan that is deep and wide enough to do all sorts of interesting one pot meals, including this one.  It has replaced my wok for even cooking when needed.  Chicken breast with mushrooms, onions and broccoli rabe with, of course tons of garlic, red pepper flakes, soy sauce and sesame oil.  I put mine over brown rice and doused it with indecent amounts of garlic chili sauce.  

My sister and I shared pics of our tiny Christmas trees for 2021, the year that was but wasn't. It came and went slowly and ultra fast somehow.  It was incredible and yet also pretty horrible at times.  It was cruel but so giving in other ways.  I guess in hindsight I am happy we can stand at the other end of these tough years and know we didn't just get through it, but suffered through the suffering and still wake up excited for the next one and are hopefully better people for it.   But yeah, my holiday decorating game was super weak. 

How Lovely Are Thy Branches

Mission:  Christmas Tree

Pequena breakfast in Fort Greene. Chicken Verde Chilaquiles and Western scramble.  Lots of coffee.  So much coffee.

A spicy poach broth for my chicken breasts that night made them juicy and perky sliced over chile lime pinto beans, peppers, avocado, cilantro and homemade chipotle hot sauce.

Buying Christmas trees in Brooklyn.  They make it ridiculously easy.  We chose a nice spruce.  Oh they bend you over for them but it smells up the whole house and we get to see the hipster guy put it through that cool tie thingy. Picking and deciding, it's all a very traditional joy that somehow we have made a part of our holiday.  But each year I feel worse about cutting down a real tree, even though they grow them for this exact purpose. This is someone's livelihood I tell myself.  It's not like it would grow out it's years in the Catskills or anything.  It is only living for this one function.  And that mission is kind of beautiful.  A Christmas tree. Like he knows he will be loved and adorned and proudly displayed in someone's warm home when he grows up. Not before chopping his root nuts off but still.  

But it is a living thing.  Is this the same as breeding chickens in an enclosed pen without windows only to become someone's dinner? In some ways it seems more fair this way.  You're not taking any luxury from them.  They never know comfort. But to realize green grass and sunny blue skies, like the free range birds then to find it always ends in a harsh sudden death...how cruel.  People like me get caught up in the psych-science because if you buy into chicken's having capacity to love and feel, then why wouldn't a piece of broccoli have similar traits? Isn't it relative?  Do organs make the difference?  Does blood running through veins provide feelings?  Roots know how to survive, choke competitors and ensure future growth without any of those things.  Does all life matter? We can't yet comprehend the complexity and value of it in full.  So sometimes I think it's not what you do but how you do it that may matter in the end.

At least that's what I tell myself. 

I loved my tree this year so much.  I dressed it all up and lit it every night. 

Academy Diner breakfast, Chicken Dinner

It Just Seems So Useless to Have to Work So Hard and Nothing Ever Seems to Really Come From It

By a sheer miracle I was off this Sunday, since I normally work both weekend days or nights, which sucks and even moreso when you're not 25 but double that plus! But the great thing about not having a lot is you are super grateful when you get anything.
But other times I'm more like Job from the story in the bible. I've been a sinner all my life, so I have no idea where I come off feeling like that. But sometimes I admit to being very bitter for my lot in life. Why do I work so hard and seem not to get anywhere? I try hard, I try to be nice, I try to treat people respectfully and even be extra kind. I don't steal or cheat or murder. I don't know, sometimes I feel things don't seem so fair.
Then I'll watch the news and realize, uh, I don't have real troubles. Maybe I just don't like to go to work. Never have. I was not a fan of coming out of that warm womb and its only gone down from there. I don't mean to whine but yeah, it's winter in the east, so its darn cold and I ride my bike to work. I'm tired and burnt out and I don't want to go to my soul crushing job. It's not the worst job but is that really the consolation? ..it's not the worst? The company is great and you can't beat the benefits. But I could have sworn I was meant to do something so much cooler and fulfilling. Or was I? What if the answer is no. I was never meant to do anything more interesting. If I knew that were true maybe I could actually relax a bit, sit back and enjoy the ride. Maybe create better food.

Sometimes my favorite seat in the house is the pity pot. I'm gonna try to get off of it just long enough to tell ya that I made some great cheeseless omelets with spinach, turkey bacon and capers. I put a little Greek yogurt in the eggs and they were fluffy and creamy.

We got out and picked up the Christmas tree, a real tall looker Spruce.

For lunch I did a delicious turkey sausage, broccoli rabe, garlic and olive oil pasta with Parmesan shavings.

I guess the plan is to try to maintain an on-going sense of gratitude for everything that I do have, keep creating better foods, and the rest for now remains a mystery.